Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

@Razzie, I hear ya, dementia can be so cruel on families. And they get stubborn. My dad has dementia too, he lives with my sister but getting more of a handful for her. And did I hear you lost a son? 😞 so sorry for your loss - that alone would make every XMAS so hard, a forever gap. Feel for you. Good idea remembering him with the gifting tree - well done! I lost a baby so know a little of your pain. Deep breaths.

[Former-Member]

Thanks TAB, maybe we can share a candy cane here in the XMAS Lounge Thread on the 25th. Will keep an eye out for you 🙂

[TAB]

Or a bonbon re pull apart crackers @Former-Member 😸 if you put an ‘@‘ in front of a name that person will know you mentioned them . Anyway I’ve got to go to bed. Nice meeting you. Lots more people on here in daytime

[Former-Member]

Help! Just found out old friends travelling through are coming to visit a couple of nights next week. So much for being alone for Christmas. I should be happy but now I'm in stress mode about cleaning up and extra groceries and and and...
Anyone stress over visitors coming?
I've hot so use to being alone I guess
Gotta go, so much to do

[Former-Member]

Thanks for the support (likes) ETH & TAB. Nice to know I'm not along. Just taking a break from tidyup (dust upsetting asthma). Just realised only got x4 days. Help!

[Queenie]

I'm finding it really hard to get into the Christmassy mood. All Christmas does is serves to remind me it's yet another holiday where my family pretends not to know me. I am not invited to Christmas lunch with the rest of them. They hurt me.... a lot.

[Zoe7]

You can't choose your family @Queenie but it is still horrible that they have hurt you so much. You deserve so much better. Try this year thinking of all the positives in your life and of course lean on us if you need - it is such a tough time for so many so we are here to support you Hon 

[Carlachris]

I feel very much the same re Xmas. We have my elderly mother living with us and although no dementia like your dear mum mine is very passive aggressive but only towards me when no one else is around. (Gaslighting me) My husband and I do everything to keep her at home and safe with dignity but it is never enough.

We also have my husbands mother who is a very disturbed cruel 89 yr old narssacist. It takes so much time to get anything done these days. Nothing we do is ever right. Xmas just means much more work for me to try and hold it all together. When hubby isn’t well then I just want it all to go away. The commercialism of all the expectations is getting way too much for me these days. I agree we probably shouldn’t feel like this but then looking after our elderly is exhausting I really wish relatives would open their eyes and help but they never offer. I feel isolated and lonely with lots of people around me. Especially at this time of year.

We have step grandchildren 9 and 15 so it’s all about them for a few more years. We can’t afford all the stuff they want these days iPads etc....it’s all too much. I will also put a present under the wishing tree for your son. Remembered and loved. Hope you are able to find a little time for yourself over the next few days. For me a swim in the heated pool is the only time to myself these days. But not fun at the moment as all the kids are on holidays. I have never enjoyed Xmas it just strikes me as very fake. Hope it passes quickly and we move into the new year. 

[Razzle]

@Former-Member  You’re not alone in feeling

like you do at this time of year.  I hate it, and the lead up this year has been the worst so far, the last few days have been terrible.

I lost my 9yo son in a car accident 12 years ago, I also lost all my friends at the same time.  Small country town, small town mentality - they didn’t know what to say so the just completely ignored me instead.  The accident wasn’t even our fault, the other driver ran a give way sign on a country road, so it was high impact.  I was at home at the time - it was a horrible time made worse by becoming the social leper.  We used to attend Xmas parties all the time but we’ve never been invited to a party since.  Xmas is a very lonely quiet time now.

My mum basically has no short term

memory at all, I know it’s very frustrating for her which makes her angry at times.  My dad died suddenly last year, he used to do a lot for her so we didn’t realise how bad she was until he was no longer there to do things for her.  She is pretty much all the time in a total state of confusion, it’s very hard for her and for us that are now trying to care for her.

I just want Xmas to be over

[TAB]

Same re uninvited @Queenie .. I wasn’t going to go anyway but at least they could have at least mentioned it.